The method we use in the school forces us to slow down and get very intentional with our study of the text. That way, if during the first or second read-throughs nothing catches the eye, certainly by the third or fourth time you comb the text some word or statement will have you contemplating, meditating, and seeking the LORD. For me, one passage hit me every single time... but I was compelled to return to it even after the assigned homework was “completed.” By the sixth or seventh time I was reading Leviticus 21:16-24, I was emotional and confused as to Who was giving these instructions:
“And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying,A frank statement is depicted in the Pentateuch: YAHWEH was setting Israel apart from other nations in the Ancient Near East. Nonetheless, my heart was breaking. You see, in SBS, during the second reading we summarize each paragraph in three to four words. The technique requires the words be in sequential order, which helps you truly ponder the passage before you attempt to condense it. For this part of the assignment, my paragraph title read: “has blemish - not come.” It was painful to write down. My heart broke for any person who happened to have a limb too long, it broke for the hunchback, and it broke because I interpreted that word “blemish” as one that could simultaneously describe and disqualify a person- even a person with a desire to serve the LORD. If God does not change, what does that imply for me?
‘Speak to Aaron, saying, “None of your offspring throughout their generations who has a blemish may approach to offer the bread of his God. For no one who has a blemish shall draw near, a man blind or lame, or one who has a mutilated face or a limb too long, or a man who has an injured foot or an injured hand, or a hunchback or a dwarf or a man with a defect in his sight or an itching disease or scabs or crushed testicles. No man of the offspring of Aaron the priest who has a blemish shall come near to offer the LORD’s food offerings; since he has a blemish, he shall not come near to offer the bread of his God. He may eat the bread of his God, both of the most holy and of the holy things, but he shall not go through the veil or approach the altar, because he has a blemish, that he may not profane my sanctuaries, for I am the LORD who sanctifies them.”’
So Moses spoke to Aaron and to his sons and to all the people of Israel.”
[Leviticus 21:16-24 ESV]
I vividly pictured a person whose heart could only be completed by ministering on behalf of God, and I cried. I cried out of a place of confusion. From anxiety of my own insufficiency and a fear of rejection. Out of a recognition for my own blemishes, brokenness, and selfishness. Despite my own self-defeating tendencies, the God I am familiar with says to the blind and lame, “Come.” But to the Levitical Priesthood and the rest of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness, the honor of coming into the presence of the God “I AM,” was restricted to a select few.
Granted, some historical background context helped me better understand a few of these specifics, (i.e. it was not unheard of for Mesopotamian cultures to esteem mutilations; some neighboring peoples had rituals that included swords or objects to dismember oneself during acts of worship). Additional cultural background applied to the Mosaic Law demonstrates that the God of the Hebrews spoke into society in ways contrary to stipulations or ideals held by other nations of the time. But these historical facts, though directly correlating to that which had brought me to my knees questioning the very existence of God (much less His good and merciful character), did not bring complete reassurance.
Leviticus was written to impress upon the Israelites a solemn understanding of the infinite holiness of God and how they should live. The instructions were meticulous and severe when scrutinized from my 21st century worldview. But the result of searching out the multifaceted and timeless Being of the Bible known commonly as “Creator God” is that He is Perfect and thereby overqualified to answer a challenge made by anything created. Question His mercy, and find it extended in an insurmountable number of reckonings. Mercy? From the God of the Old Testament? Yes, and much more than we humans, firstly, give Him credit (as though we are capable of precise measurements/ omniscient clarity to begin with). Secondly, God demonstrates more mercy than people will ever extend to one another, which, for those with the humanist/enlightenment worldview, is an especially difficult belief to accept.
Question the God who can fully embody Holiness, Justice and Wrath, Mercy and Truth. Rather, consider all things according to the professed claim that One exists. Allow Him to prove Himself to the deepest place in you that wonders. When I came to the LORD with my questions, I was reminded that He cannot deny Himself- He is Immaculate and Self-Sustaining. Because of God’s love for us, I who had no right to question this All-Powerful God, was mercifully granted such a privilege. The same God who created the universe and the laws of science and time which it adheres to, worked within His creation. Then, He invited mankind into His holiness. People in the Old Testament had to have a priesthood appointed to seek forgiveness on their behalf. A head priest would enter a sacred place called the Holy of Holies in order to access the presence of YAHWEH. Even that priest was permitted entrance once a year… Until Jesus, the Ultimate High Priest. In one endeavor of entering the form of a fallen creation, Jesus Christ was able to atone for and redeem all mankind, extending to us the gift of grace. God changed everything, yet lost none of His Quintessence in His humble substitution. His intervention had no effect on His nature; the LORD remains the same.
“Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to him. But we see him who for a little while was made lower than the angels, namely Jesus, crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.God remains the same throughout the Bible. In the New Testament, He accomplished the crown of all miracles to continue showing His relentless efforts at pursuing the heart of man. Time and time again throughout my study of the Scriptures, I have recognized a theme: God pursuing the heart of man- including my own. When I started the School of Biblical Studies with Youth With A Mission, I was enthusiastic about studying the Word of God. But soon into the program, I was conflicted with thoughts that I had come to the school and the LORD with half of a heart. I have been incredibly challenged with what it means to serve God with a whole heart. When I asked myself if I was delighting in the LORD (Psalm 37:4), I regretfully found that I had at some point become so overwhelmed with love for life and relationships and adventures and learning new things… the “desires of my heart” He promises to give. The source of my joy had shifted from delighting in the Giver of all things to taking pleasure solely in His gifts.
For it was fitting that he, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the founder of their salvation perfect through suffering. For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers…”
[Hebrews 2:8-11 ESV]
Early on in the school I had been asked, “What are you going to do with what you’re learning?” This question came full circle during my study of Ecclesiastes. Even if I’m pursuing knowledge, wisdom, a deepened understanding of scripture- in and of itself, it’s a mere striving after the wind. Chasing after the gift of knowledge, but missing the point of an intimate relationship with the One who knows all things. I know I will share my testimony and experiences of my life for the rest of it… and long to convey my story with depth- in a way that would count for something. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, the greatest depth I’ve ever encountered is the Word of God, but applying it to my life is what will allow me to see my Creator face to face, understand His heart, and love people like He does so well. What does it mean to love God with a whole heart and let Him pursue mine?
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”The Bible is the living and active Word of God. It testifies about His heart and provides timeless instructions for how one ought to live. It encompasses the power to renew our minds, even empowering us to cleave to an authority we intuitively reject. During life’s journey we must not be content with delighting in gifts alone because, in and of themselves, they reflect Someone greater- Someone relentless in His efforts to pursue the hearts of men.
[Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV]
(Watch my Video Testimony here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H-0myn1Sro)
