Because of the circumstancing surrounding the tragedy of my father's death, I was asked to share my story with a newspaper in Norway. It was handled with extreme sensitivity by the production company, Monster, Inc. and the magazine, VG. They wanted me to be able to tell my perspective in its entirety before the show aired in August. My warmest thanks to Ingvill Dybfest Dahl for hearing my heart and communicating my story with such delicate respect, Tusen takk.
I have included a broad translation of the article below, and hope it continues to minister and call forth hope in the lives of many. God bless!
"All for Norway" - participant lost everything after shooting drama
** The mother shot her father ** Abused Drugs ** Raised by her sister
HAPPY IN LIFE: Kelsey Tungseth has not had it easy, but says she is full of hope. She wants to share her experience as a consolation for others affected by mental illness. Here she is pictured on Linnerud in Oslo Monday. Photo: HELGE MIKALSEN, VG
After a personal tragedy and several difficult years, Kelsey Tungseth (27) no longer feels like an orphan. She is searching for her roots in Norway.
- I want to live with both wings and roots. And I have wings, says Kelsey Tungseth to VG.
It's a little over a day since she arrived in Norway, the country genes coming from both sides of the family.
- When I was growing up we made waffles to party, ate rømmegrøt on Christmas Eve and celebrated on 17 May in the church, tells the young American, and continues quietly:
- But now all my grandparents died, and my parents are not here, so this is my attempt to find the roots I lack. I hope it becomes a sort of reunion with a part of me I've lost.
Tungseth is here to take part in "All for Norway": Reality series on TVNorge with Henriette Bruusgaard as presenter where Norwegian Americans compete on friendly and humorous view of coming in close contact with their Norwegian heritage and meeting their Norwegian relatives.
But the road that has led Kelsey here, is far from the only merry.
- My parents met each other in the psychiatric ward. My mother was bipolar and my father worked as a nurse. But they later married and had four children together, she says.
NEW PARTICIPANTS: "All for Norway" The participants in Season Six's rear, from left: Joel Hilmo, Camille Humphery, Jacob Uggerud, Hannah Tjoflat, Quanzakari Dechiara-Crillon, and Adam Tock. Front from left Scott Wallingford, Sarah Jensen-Giampapa, Taylor Randle, Terese Roholte, Kelsey Tungseth, and David Engen. Front presenter Henriette Bruusgaard. Photo: TVNORGE
According to Kelsey, the two daughters and twin sons were very proud of her father while growing up in Pennsylvania. He worked long hours as a carpenter, and sacrificed gladly his lunch break if it meant that he could follow up on the children choir concert or football game.
Bipolar disorder
- He was a family man. Mom was too, but she was not always healthy, says 27-year-old.
The children could wake to her mother played music and served them waffles with ice cream some days, and other days it was just quiet in the house, they prepared themselves for school, ate by themself, went to school and found her mother in bed still when they came home again.
- It is fascinating how children can adapt to situations they think is normal for everyone. It seemed not unusual for us, says Tungseth.
- I was 15 when they told me that my mom had bipolar disorder. At the time I was still a dramatic teenager myself, who did not understand what it meant that she had a chemical imbalance in the brain that gave her powerful mood swings.
When Kelsey was in her late teens parents decided to move to Minnesota, where they both came from. The move coincided with her mother lost her sister, who was also her best friend. At the same time had to double amputate his mother's father leg.
Also Kelsey uncle, a priest, has talked openly in church and local media about several of her sister's painful experiences.
Murder
- All of these changes together had been difficult even for a stable person, and my mother was not always stable. The move caused a great strain for her, and July 22, 2006 she snapped, says Kelsey and take a deep breath before she continued:
- She had created an idea in her head, and shot and killed my father.
Tungseth was 18 years old when the killing happened on the farm they lived on in Fergus Falls. She tells how she and her two years younger twin brothers sold goods at a market when she saw a friend come running over the area crying.
Her friend was sheriff daughter. Together they drove into the city and the police station. At arriving the sheriff met them. He too was crying. That morning he had trained with Kelsey's father at the local YMCA Center.
- He said "There is no easy way to say this: Your father is dead." When asked what had happened, he cried, "Your mother killed him." I remember that I was completely numb. So I called our sister who studied three hours away and asked if she could come.
Overall siblings
They alerted other family members and Raina drove to Fergus Falls with some of them.
- From that moment was Raina our guardian angel. My aunt told me that on the drive Raina already talked about how we needed a house, a place where we four siblings could stay together, says Tungseth in a cracking voice.
Sister Raina now has a master's degree in social work from Colombia. At this time she was 22 years old and studied psychology in Minneapolis.
- She was just 22 years and knew instantly what she should do. She has been the family rock since nine years ago, says Kelsey with a smile.
Parents liked to ride motorcycles and had been prescient enough to change their will and make eldest daughter of guardian of younger siblings as soon as she turned 18. They wanted their children to be kept together if something should happen to them.
Rusmisbruk - How did you handle the tragedy?
- I handled it very poorly, says Kelsey and laugh through eyes shining.
- For two years I abused alcohol and drugs, and in another year I continued to experiment with drugs. I looked at it as an escape route. Then there was little in waves. I went to a new place and trying something new, started again and tried something new. I fled a long time.
But in 2009, took his sister Kelsey on a journey in Southeast Asia. Where they worked five weeks in a voluntary program to help inmates women and their children in Nepal's prisons, to ensure the children schooling and in some cases a new home. Then they traveled to Thailand, Malaysia and Cambodia.
- The experience was crucial in shaping me as I am today. The experience with Raina taught me so much about the small, practical things, like setting up budgets and planning. I learned many ways to become an adult.
SIBLINGS LOVE: The four siblings Tungseth on Raina's wedding day. From left: Anton Peter, Raina Leigh, Kelsey Maxine and Nicolai Paul. Photo: PRIVATE
Found God
- I grew up in a Christian home, but it felt very distant to me when growing up. But in 2010, after I had traveled around a year, I looked up at the stars one night and heard God's voice say "I love you, I have adopted you into my family," says Norwegian American.
She cried then.
When she arrived returned Kelsey to a Christian, she joined missionary charity Youth With a Mission (YWAM), where she took several courses in order to help others.
- I missed the idea of an overall family. And from that moment I knew that I needed someone to lean on. I think I'm supposed to live with an authority figure who helps me to make wise choices, and with a group I can be friends with - and it gave me YWAM.
Now she travels as often as she is able, she studied comparative politics and religion, and is finishing a degree in media studies in May. Tungseth describes herself as full of hope.
- Resistance creates steadfastness, persistence gives character, and character creates hope. The only consolation is that God has given me comfort I now want to share with others, she says with enthusiasm in her voice and continues:
- I am glad that you write about this, for mental illness has long been swept under the carpet or kept silent in death. Many people feel confused or ashamed. But even when things fall together for a while, there is hope!
- I broke so many nice things in my life, but God has helped me to create a mosaic of it.
Forgave Her Mother
In recent years she has also managed to rebuild the relationship with the mother, who in May 2007 was sentenced to 28 years in prison. 18 of them must be atoned for, according to local newspaper Fergus Falls Journal.
- I was not talking to her for a couple of years. We needed time. But after what I experienced in 2010, I realized that part of the process of forgive myself, forgive mom, says Kelsey.
When grandfather was dying in the hospital, she received a phone call from her mother in his room.
- He wanted me to forgive her, and I had avoided talking about it, but when I took the phone and said, "Hi mom, this is Kelsey. I will just say that I love you and I forgive you." Sometimes you have to decide something many times before it sinks in. But as I said the words out loud, I felt a part of me had already been healed for a while.
Approximately once a year Kelsey visits her mother in prison, where she has a doctor's supervision and psychiatrist, engages in church and gets an education, according to her daughter. During the trial, her mother shared that for 26 years had struggled with mental illness. In 2025, she will be considered for released under supervision.
Avoids Ski
Now living siblings under two hours away from each other around Denver, Colorado, and has good contact. But despite the fact that she lives in Colorado, including renowned for skiing, not Kelsey admits to venture out skiing no more than about once a year.
- My siblings mine like it, but I'm a wimp when it comes to cold. But here in Norway I am ready to try everything we are thrust into with passion!
- I do not want that mental illness should define what happened to my family. It is so important for me, not only to learn more about Norway, but to learn about my ancestors. To find out more about my roots is a tremendous blessing. I do not feel orphaned anymore!
See original article here: http://www.vg.no/rampelys/tv/tvnorge/alt-for-norge-deltaker-mistet-alt-etter-skytedrama/a/23442305/ AAAND here is a clip of me in one of my MANY "hometowns:"
Before this experience, I thought "Alt for Norge" to be a phrase that united and inspired cameraderie between Norwegians. The journey I took is in innumerable attributed to the people I met in Norway who gave me a pride in the very concept of Alt for Norge that is so much deeper and truer. Tusen takk! After this experience, I feel that I have a firmer foundation of what it means to be Norwegian, and I plan to continue building and strengthening my Norwegian identity. I am honored to be able to pass down what I have learned to future generations. Warmest regards!
After watching Alt For Norge, I had to look you up! You are so full of life and humour, and I am such a fan of how you embrace every challenge and emotion! I hope to see you in many episodes still- and perhaps as the last woman standing?! In any case, I wish you happiness and fun- and if you ever come back to Oslo, Norway, I would love to take you jamming, churching, hiking or eating!
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